This is Howard. I just met him in the kitchen.

Anja: How long have you worked in room service?

 

Howard: Nine months.

 

Anja: What does that all entail?

 

Howard: Well… amenities, hospital doing orders, and uh, being very uh… kind and gentle with guests hospitality wise. You make them feel wanted, and if they want anything, you do it with care and grace! (Howard giggles a high-pitched, masculine giggle.)

 

Anja: How does this job make you feel?

 

Howard: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………. happy to even like, tadalafil just grateful that I even have a job, like…

 

Anja: What was before this?

 

Howard: What was before this? I worked at Menards. (giggles)

 

Anja: This is a step up.

 

Howard: Yeah it is! I worked at Menards, that was my second longest job, which was three months! Heh heh. Yeah, I worked at Menards as a cashier… the only male cashier.

 

Anja: Oh wow!

 

Howard: And there were about fifteen cashiers there.

 

Anja: Geez.

 

Our conversation is interrupted when we have to both scrunch against the wall in order to let a cart of cupcakes through the corridor. The cart looks to be about six feet tall, and features tray after tray of what I am informed to be flourless chocolate cupcakes.

 

Anja: What have you learned since your time here?

 

Howard: …

 

Anja: About LIFE!

 

Howard: To be on time, hee hee hee!  Because when I was a little bit younger, in 1919, I looooved to purposely procrastinate, because in my mind I knew I would get it done right before the deadline, and I never did. (Laughs.)

 

Anja: You have a very musical laugh.

 

Howard: Yeah? What does musical laugh mean?

 

Anja: I don’t know! You hit many different notes… (Anja and Howard both titter) …when you laugh!

 

Howard: I just joined an acting class last Thursday!

 

Anja: Nice!

 

Howard: For like community theater. First it was just going to be like monologues, but it turned into community theater because the school that did monologues cancelled because there weren’t enough people.

 

Anja: Are you going to be in a play now?

 

Howard: I, eh, um, this is my homework: I have to come up with a stage name and uh, ten accents. That’s a bit much isn’t it? I thought of Southern, Italian, uhhh Latin, like Mexican, Mexican like Chollo though, you know, like the hood,…. annnnd British? I don’t know, people have been giving me suggestions, but it’s only been like four or five so far.

 

Anja: Don’t forget you can do Wisconsin.

 

Howard: Right, right, right. I went to Florida one time, when I was in High School, and we went to go talk to these lovely ladies—hee hee hee, at South Beach, they were in the Ocean, you know, the water, and one lady was from New York, and you can clearly hear she’s from New York with the Bronx, you know, accent, so then they asked, “Where you from, Wisconsin?” And we were like, “WWWWHHHHAT? How did you know that?!” I guess we have accents! I did not know that.

 

Anja: So what makes for a good stage name?

 

Howard: Whoopi Goldberg? Heh heh heh!

 

Anja: What was the last thing you dressed up for Halloween?

 

Howard: I’ve never even participated in Halloween until last year.

 

Anja: Really?!

 

Howard: Yeah, and I’m 21.

 

(Howard and Anja emit peals of laughter.)

 

Anja: Was it not allowed in your house?

 

Howard: Yeah, exactly— or I just didn’t catch the vibe, like Valentine’s Day. So, I just, I just bought a Michael Myers mask and wore that to a Halloween party, an adult Halloween party, and they told me immediately to take it off because I was scaring people. Because when I walked in I didn’t say a word. These are like my friends, and I’m just standing there like Michael Myers would do. The guy whose house it was came up to me and said, “You don’t have to pretend anymore, you can just take it off. You’re kind of scaring my girlfriend.”