“Don’t worry, I’ll hold your monkey”

Posted by on Oct 30, 2014

The following story was copied only by memory. Bob requested that there be no pictures taken of him or recordings of his voice. I did not have a pad to write on. This is not how I usually do things, ed but I liked the challenge.


Bob and his lady came down from Iron Mountain, a town in the Upper Peninsula this weekend to spend some time with his son, Adam who is a senior architecture student at the Milwaukee Institute of Art and Design.


Bob is telling everyone jokes and everyone is laughing very loud. That is why I chose to come up to them in the first place.


“A woman and her baby get on a bus and the bus driver gives them a filthy look. ‘That is one ugly baby, ampoule lady. Go sit in the back,’ orders the bus driver. Fuming, the woman and her baby take a seat in the back row. The mother complains to the rider next to her, ‘Did you just hear what the bus driver said to me? It was totally unacceptable!’ The rider pulls out an earbud and says, ‘Well, you should go back up there and take it up with him. Don’t worry, I’ll hold your monkey.’”


Bob tells another joke, but before he does, Adam complains saying “Oh, not this one! I don’t get this one.” That disclaimer merely peaks my interest. Bob says, “A troubled man finally starts getting therapy from a top rated psychologist. After six months of treatments the psychologist asks him if he feels he has made any progress. The man shakes his head sadly and moans, ‘I don’t know doc, six months ago I was Napoleon, but now I’m just a nobody.’”


I laugh. Bob tells me that he “can remember a number from years ago, but not jokes.” So now he makes an effort to learn a new joke every day from a joke book he likes. “That’s cute, Bob,” says the lady whose name I unfortunately did not retain. “I’m training,” smiles Bob, “I’m training so that whenever someone comes into my office wanting more money I can just tell them a joke. They laugh and then leave my office forgetting why they came there in the first place.”


Bob talks about his four sons, the youngest is 14, “Little Chuck. Well, I guess he’s not exactly little anymore.” Former Little Chuck cut his knee on the edge of a stone slab when he tried unsuccessfully to leap over it. Bob shows me pictures of the deep wound, a gristly chunk of his knee missing. He proudly shows off a video to everyone of Former Little Chuck laughing and singing as the doctors sewed up his knee in the hospital. Bob also shows us the stitches and how once healed, the scar resembles a smiley face. While they chuckle at that, what Bob and his his lady cannot look at are these young guys we can see out the window. They are on the roof and too close to the edge.DSCN8139

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