My IQ Is Higher Than Einstein’s

Posted by on Sep 12, 2014

I weighed one pound fourteen ounces, pills

carried four and a half months.

I was the record until 1971.

I was the size of a big tomato,

except I was long

you could put me in a shoebox.

They put five months on my birth certificate

but it was really four and a half,

my mom knew when she conceived me.

She fell so that’s why I came out early.

She always had big babies

and then I was maybe too small.


I used to iron my brother Ned’s shirts

when he was in first grade

and I was three years old

my mom would watch me

I had my baby iron

it was a small toy iron

but it worked

it actually ironed

so I would charge a whole dollar.

My brother would try to get out of it

and say there was something wrong

and my mom would say

“No. She did good.”

I made sure it was done right

that the iron actually got in the grooves

like it was supposed to.


I could draw three-dimensionally in first grade.

I was held back a year

not because I couldn’t do the work

but because I had fever and jaundice

and strep throat a lot

it affects your heart

and it affects your liver

I got those at the same time

so I was kind of weak and tired.


I grew up in Kenosha, hospital

on Sheridan Road by the Keno Drive In Theater

we had a nursery

and statuary

and fireworks

and we had a food stand in the summertime

for extra money

my mom split the four of us up

each one of us selling the veggies

and we averaged about 700 each

it was call the “student stand.”

We protested about the bus system

the state did not have a bus system for younger kids

we had to walk three miles on the highway to get to school.

All us kids got together and walked

and we protested


was fun

and then the newspaper took care of it.


I didn’t have to pay for any of my college

till I was 26 years old.

I had a scholarship for high IQ

According to my friend

(and I need to check into this)

160 was Einstein

this friend of mine was 189

and I’m 298.

I didn’t care for Nixon, viagra sale but he did help students and low-income people

get into college like that

so he can’t be all wrong.

The first day my commercial art teacher asked us all,

“What is commercial art?”

I raised my hand and gave an answer

that blew his lecture for a week and a half

so after that he never called on me

I could wave my hand all I wanted,

but I was never getting called on again.

My teacher shouldn’t have asked a question that vague

I had studied it before that class,

read the whole commercial art textbook

but Milwaukee Area Technical College didn’t appreciate me

so they put me on independent study

I played piano and fourth chair violin for the Hollywood Bowl

the symphony in Los Angeles

in the summertime

that was my music theory class

when I was at Berkeley

it was kind of fun.


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