The Pfister Narrator

Lesson Number One: Always Talk to the Mustachioed Rapscallion

I happily made the acquaintance of a mustachioed rapscallion named Farley as I was sauntering through the Pfister’s lobby.

Farley runs with a crew of real quick wits. I asked questions, they gave me the straight dope; it was all very polite. Basically, Farley and his gaggle are like…

27 May 8:10 AM 0 Read More...

The Big Ideas Make the Small Moments Soar on Memorial Day

It is Memorial Day and I would like to take a moment to tell you what that has meant during the lead up week to this holiday at the Pfister.

Everyday when you pull into the Pfister parking garage, a succulent smell of great cooking hits you as you open…

25 May 12:16 PM 0 Read More...

Let Me Help You Do Your Crossword Puzzle Through Deceit and Unfair Play

While it is true that guests come and go from the Pfister on a daily basis, there are also plenty of good souls who you can classify as Pfister regulars.

The formidable Barbara Brown Lee who has knowledge about the visual art world that could fill many volumes of thick…

22 May 11:26 AM 0 Read More...

Join Me As I Begin to Salute the Women and Men in Silk and Lace Uniform

I anticipate that today I will begin what will grow to become a more public and frequent declaration of one of my favorite harmless infatuations.

Bridesmaids.

Oh, how I love a gaggle of ladies who have all agreed to wear the same dress and stand in front of a group…

20 May 3:05 PM 0 Read More...

The Post In Which I Go To A Ladies Luncheon and Find This One Guy

There was a ladies-only luncheon happening at the Pfister last week. Lots of smart, successful, gorgeous women were dressed in red and came together for the American Heart Association’s 2015 Milwaukee Go Red for Women luncheon.

And this guy.

I don’t mean to treat this guy like…

18 May 4:35 PM 0 Read More...

Breaking Bread and Telling Tales

As I come upon the Harry and Rose Samson Family Jewish Community Center’s setup for their KidShare 2015 gala at the Pfister, I can tell immediately there is a good party in the works.

Typically during setup for these types of events, its not unusual to see harried minions…

15 May 5:26 PM 0 Read More...

The Crumbs of My Shame

I just made a complete fool out of myself for the gazing eyes of the Pfister public, and boy was it tasty.

Call it hubris, call it horrifying, call it so astonishing that you have to shake your head in my general direction. However you slice it, I’m relieved…

13 May 8:00 PM 0 Read More...

My mother, the Green Hornet, and other notes of love

Are you still feeling the glow of Mother’s Day? It was a glorious brunch filled day at the Pfister this past Sunday when good sons and daughters showered their moms with well deserved adoration.

Me? I was out of town, and I’m not 100% certain that my Mom…

11 May 5:30 PM 1 Read More...

Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer, you know

I make it a habit to never ask another man in a suit if he’s packing heat. So far, this choice has served me very well.

But it was hard, I mean REALLY, REALLY hard not to go up to the guy in the suit I noticed on the…

08 May 9:58 AM 0 Read More...

She had me at "cheeseburger"

Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for blondes, but something told me I was gonna love a certain couple of ladies who lunch.

You can tell just by looking at someone that they have that unmistakable something-something called soul. And you don’t get soul by shutting…

06 May 10:07 AM 0 Read More...

Rules of My Engagement

Hello. And, boy, am I happy you’re reading.

Whenever I start a venture I like to understand the rules of the engagement.

Please note, however, that I haven’t said that I like to follow the rules.

Oh dear me, no.

That’s not necessarily my path. But if…

04 May 8:15 AM 9 Read More...

Toodle-loo.

My term as Pfister Narrator is about to expire.  A bell is sounding.  A cane is coming to pull my waist off the stage.  A gong is sounding.  Ladies are booing, children are throwing popcorn at me, but I do not want to leave my flaming hula hoop.

I still…

29 Apr 11:23 PM 0 Read More...

You see the woman in the nude shag dress?

When the professional ballroom dancers come en masse to the Pfister,

expect to find several crystals strewn across the bathroom floor,

shed from their glistening, parrot colored ensembles

that induce the ordinary citizens in the café around them to exclaim,

“Ah my god, I can’t believe it!”

I go…

27 Apr 12:25 AM 0 Read More...

The Hard Part About Living In Costa Rica

I meet her in the elevator and she says she recently moved to Costa Rica. I ask the Costa Rican ex-patriot for a story and she tells me that she is not a very interesting, story-rich person. I whine, “Come on, you live in Costa Rica! Haven’t…

21 Apr 10:52 AM 0 Read More...

She Pauses To Nibble On Her Pickle

“You have to travel with people who want to explore

otherwise everything is constructed,”

warns Louise.

She pauses to nibble on her pickle,

and contemplate those frequent trips

she has made to visit her family in Barbados.

The last time she went down there with non-explorers

they whined every…

15 Apr 11:33 PM 0 Read More...

Bar Hoping

Sean runs a trivia company out of Minnesota

called “Trivia Mafia.”

Currently there is only one bar

in all of Milwaukee

(the city with more bars than grocery stores)

where you can play Trivia Mafia

and that bar is Vintage.

Here is why Sean and his dad came down for…

10 Apr 11:31 PM 0 Read More...

The Lady and the Pirate

I meet an accountant. She tells me about her career hobby: her involvement with the Society For Creative Anachronism (SCA) where she is known as ‘Lady Aiofe Cno Capaill,’ which means ‘dark horse.’ What is the SCA? “Basically we do 600 to 1600 (a.d.) everything, from Middle Ages to…

07 Apr 9:54 PM 0 Read More...

This Is Not The Real Dance

Sisters came in from New York

to attend the wedding and to show off their Wedding Dance.

They are choreographing their piece right now

on the exquisite carpet that urges all who come here

to at least sashay at least slightly

even if it is so slight that no one…

03 Apr 2:42 PM 0 Read More...

Two Texans

Two Texans,

architectural engineers,

college students,

conference attendees

named Shannon and Michaela

want me to write them love letters for their boyfriends.

 

Shannon lovingingly describes her boyfriend, Ryan, as

“a sarcastic ass always picking on me and my big head!”

She goes on to say she met him at…

30 Mar 1:35 PM 0 Read More...

A Mud Bath, Followed With An Insult

A few months into my job at the Pfister I learned something very interesting:

 

If you want, the spa will give you a bowl of clay to go with a hot steam shower. Yes, with this spa offering, you can temporarily remake yourself as an exquisite porcine figure, steamed…

24 Mar 4:01 PM 0 Read More...

Coke A Cola and the Meanderthal

When I first discovered Coke’s name

to be Coke,

I admit, I was taken aback

with the fact that it is the unusual title

for this amiable human

I often see in the lobby.

But Coke is used to the awe

of people discovering his name,

and ups the…

21 Mar 1:08 PM 0 Read More...

Whispering, 1925

My term as Pfister narrator is almost up, so yesterday I finally booked a room.  My best friend Jessie drove in from Ann Arbor for the occasion.   Jessie promptly plopped on the plush puff bed as soon as we had entered and perused our room, #332.

She then jumped to…

16 Mar 11:32 PM 1 Read More...

If he don’t love me, how could he love you?

“My name is Charles Bentley.

I’m Native American,

Cherokee.

My grandmother was Cherokee.

I worked for American Motors

at the corner of Capitol and Richards,

where Wal-Mart is now

from 1958-1966.

I was a spray painter,

I was “The Door Jam Man.”

The Rambler was the first…

10 Mar 9:32 PM 2 Read More...

About Life, About Mystery

The shop window on Wisconsin Avenue is empty.  Inside the glass room is a door that leads to the darkness.  The combination of this darkness door, the street lights reflected in the glass and the promise that the blank space will be filled up one day again, instills in me…

04 Mar 6:20 PM 0 Read More...

A Psychometric Questionairre

Yeah, humans are social creatures

you know, we see faces

inside clouds, fungus and tea stains.

Children conduct full-length conversations

with “pet” rocks and plush dinosaurs,

then as adults, they still try to assign meaning

to their frighteningly mysterious days

through science, philosophy, religion,

art, astrology or psychology.

Pfister…

28 Feb 11:58 PM 0 Read More...
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