Coke A Cola and the Meanderthal

When I first discovered Coke’s name

to be Coke,

I admit, I was taken aback

with the fact that it is the unusual title

for this amiable human

I often see in the lobby.

But Coke is used to the awe

of people discovering his name,

and ups the intrigue by telling you,

“Actually, I’m Coke the Fifth

and my son is going to be

Coke the Sixth.”

I remember asking him,

“Are you expecting?”

But no, Coke told me

he has yet to marry

but…

yesterday, a woman guest who takes note

of the nametags of the hotel staff

met Coke and told him,

“We ought to get married,

since my last name is Cola.”

Coke chuckled,

a soft, polite bellhop laugh

and admitted it would be a fitting match

since his middle initial is ‘A.’

Just imagine:

“Hi, my name is Coke A Cola.”DSCN9303

Unfortunately, Coke won’t be marrying her,

the reason being he doesn’t want

any last name but his own.

This surprised me,

because it seemed like a match made in heaven

for Coke who studied linguistics in college

and who alerts me to the existence of new words

such as “meanderthal,”Screen shot 2015-03-21 at 11.32.25 AM

usually after I have been walking

too slowly, oblivious to him and his bell cart

behind me.

coke poem
Today is Coke’s birthday.

 

Meandering on the seventh floor

I check out the set up for Make-A-Wish’s

superhero themed gala.

I am told by Rebecca, a Make-A-Wish intern,DSCN0445

that each table, set with flowers

and polka dot wrapped presents

is dedicated to fulfilling the wish of one

terminally ill child.DSCN0438

The interns tell me that most of the kids

want things that will benefit their whole family:

trips across the world to visit grandparents in the old country,

vacations to Disney World or Italy.

One girl is professionally recording and performing her own song.

One boy wanted a shopping spree in New York City.

Their lives are fragile, let them try what they like, yolo, yolo!


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Put on a mask. Fly.

I am inspired to do things I have always wanted to do

so on Thursday I walk fifteen miles from my home in Franklin

to the Pfister. It takes me 7.5 hours (not 4.5)

before I get to match the carpet at work.

15 miles later
Photo: Helene Fischman

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Whispering, 1925

My term as Pfister narrator is almost up, so yesterday I finally booked a room.  My best friend Jessie drove in from Ann Arbor for the occasion.   Jessie promptly plopped on the plush puff bed as soon as we had entered and perused our room, #332.

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She then jumped to action and made us a to-do list.DSCN0458 DSCN0463We were already well on our way with task number three.

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The view from our window allowed us to spy on two of the kitchen staff taking their break in the sun.

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“Jessie, doesn’t the reflection of the hotel in the glass across the street trick you into thinking we are in Paris?”
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We watched this man for a while.  He looked very disappointed every time other buses passed.  He scrutinized a schedule, tracing his anticipated route with a finger.DSCN0482The windows are an excellent place to hide.DSCN0486Or to shock.

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We walked to Brady Street and saw this basking, busking cowboy.

DSCN0473Concierge Peter offered us a “poisoned apple,” but we did not bite.DSCN0464With elite guest access to the business center, I did as much business as possible with the opportunity.

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DSCN0496We inspected the “Under the Sea” gala for curing diabetes.DSCN0498

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Here is Chief Nursing Officer of Children’s Hospital, Nancy Korom (on the left) and friends.  DSCN0513

I found myself asking everyone I met if they had diabetes.

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The wife, but not the husband.DSCN0511

Both sisters do.
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Neither of these men are diabetic, but both are on diets.  White tie/black shirt Ryan is Paleo.  White shirt/black tie Sean is “plant based.”DSCN0539

Matt, server states, “I am a human tray at the moment.”  I wonder the maximum amount of drinks this tray can hold for his guests.DSCN0504

I admire, but I do not partake of the shrimp.
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We have dinner at the Mason Street Grill.  Jessie eats much faster than me, so she must carry the conversation by herself for ten minutes as I chew.
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We take turns petting the decorative moss between courses.DSCN0488

As the evening progresses our pictures get blurrier.DSCN0526

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I teach Jessie how to play Rummy in Blu.  DSCN0552
We play cards, drink and dance in our seats to the Jazz.unnamed-9

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I meet Pam and Bill from Janesville.  They are here to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary. They remind me:DSCN0551unnamed-8

Jessie is a professional  statistician, but she can’t stand all the counting in this rummy game.  She asks to change the rules.   But I do not like to change the rules when I play cards.  
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 We agree to only play games without rules for the rest of the evening.

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This game is called: “Draw your spiritual self.”DSCN0595 DSCN0590 While I take a picture of this woman’s shoe, Jessie draws what she sees in front of her.DSCN0532DSCN0557DSCN0553The most meaningful thing happens to me three minutes to midnight. We are in the lobby listening to Dr. Hollander playing one of his final songs for the evening. The tune is something antique, soursweet and familiar. Like every time I am in the lobby and Dr. Hollander is there, I think I hear him playing it. I know he gives regulars and staff members theme songs, so I go up to him. “Is this my theme song?” He nods. He says he cannot remember the name, only that it was about whispering and it was released in 1925.

I found it, MY THEME SONG! Whispering Jack Smith – Whispering – YouTube.

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The magic continues: when we get to our room there is a plate of fruit we never ordered.

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In the morning I try out the complementary blowdryer since I’ve never owned one.DSCN0599Before brunch we stroll over to a bookstore to pet some cats.DSCN0612DSCN0610
unnamed-2 unnamed-3unnamed-5DSCN0616We return for brunch.  DSCN0622Matt!  Again!  Now he is our server rather than a tray.
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If he don’t love me, how could he love you?

“My name is Charles Bentley.

I’m Native American, sick

Cherokee.

My grandmother was Cherokee.

I worked for American Motors

at the corner of Capitol and Richards,

where Wal-Mart is now

from 1958-1966.

I was a spray painter,

I was “The Door Jam Man.”

The Rambler was the first car I worked on at the plant.

I’m 77 years old,

and I like the young women, medicine

hahahah!

I came from Georgia.

I was ten years old when I met my Grandfather for the first time.

My Grandfather left my dad when he was an infant…”

 

Charles pauses, asking aloud how best to phrase the conversation he had with his father after he met his grandfather sixty-seven years ago.

 

“I talked to my father and I asked him, medical

‘How do he love you?’

And my father said to me, ‘No.’

I said to him, ‘Why?’

‘I couldn’t answer that.’

I met my grandfather in ’47,

moved to Chicago in ’49,

moved to Milwaukee in 1950.

My dad got a job as City of Milwaukee Sanitary Worker.

Cause he was short he was a Garbage Man.

That’s when they had the cans

and the pad on the shoulder.

I have a plaque at home

of the service my that father did for the city.

It’s by my door as you go up.

He retired in 1968,

he did some years.

I take after my father.

I’m the spitting image of my father,

the older I get, the more I look like my father.

I went in 2014 to see my 93-year-old Uncle in Georgia.

That’s the only one I got left.

He washes his own clothes

though he walks with a cane.

I don’t know that much about Native American customs.”

 

Charles hands my recorder back to me, to make room on the table for his steak. He presses his hands together, bends his head and mutters a prayer over his food. Before he tries it though, he asks the waitress for an additional bottle of steak sauce.

 

“Growing up,

if I saw a peanut on the ground,

I would bless it and then eat it.

Let me tell you something about the white man:

on my birth certificate I was called a ‘Negro,’

not a Native American.

I’m still considered Indian N*****,

that’s why I don’t get the money,

but I have a picture of my grandmother to prove it.

So maybe I could talk to you,

and you could write my memoirs for me.

Seeing my grandfather for the first time

all I wanted was love from him,

it’d be easy to show that,

but as my Dad explained to me,

‘If he don’t love me, how could he love you?’

To me I couldn’t understand it,

cause of my youth, y’know,

but it sunk in later on.

I’d only seen my grandfather maybe two or three times in my life.

All I wanted to do was go fishing or hunting,

he loved to fish and hunt,

that’s all I wanted,

I wanted him to show me love,

but as I said,

my dad said ‘If he don’t love me, how could he love you?’

That’s right,

I’m a self-made man.

I’m a Step-Pop,

and they still call me,

I’m the only pop they know,

they had a living father too,

but he was a bigamist, y’know,

cause my wife that I married,

(their mother),

she thought she was married to him,

but she wasn’t because he had another wife,

so he was a bigamist.

I went through hell and high water in my life,

like I said you can write my memoir,

I wouldn’t mind writing a book,

really, seriously,

I think it’d be a number one seller.”

 

When I finished interviewing him, I thanked him for taking the time to talk with a stranger. He corrected me,

 

“To you I’m a stranger,

but to me you’re not,

you’re a beautiful young sister.”

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About Life, About Mystery

The shop window on Wisconsin Avenue is empty.  Inside the glass room is a door that leads to the darkness.  The combination of this darkness door, the street lights reflected in the glass and the promise that the blank space will be filled up one day again, instills in me a wild excitement.  Truly!

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Madame plaid skirt came up from Chicago. This is the second time she has come to spend her weekend at the Pfister.

 

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Two mothers, two daughters about to see Ariana Grande at the Bradley Center.

 

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They will pose for you, they will show you where the benefit for the Milwaukee Ballet is; and if you shake their hand, you will hold a white handprint with fine glitter dust.

 

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That evening, greco ballet dancers did descend from heaven and pause, inviting me to join them.

 

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The very next day, more models in white were found inside the Pfister.

 

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This is Milwaukee’s Magnificent Bride Exposition.

 

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If I ever marry, this will be the most important decision: The Hats.

 

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Which feather for your ceremony?

 

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They were so in love, their arms disappeared and their heads became flowers.

 

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Chair Option A by BBJ.

 

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Option B

 

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Option C

 

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Option D, “ghost chairs.”

 

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Option E, “goth chairs.”

 

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Yes.

 

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I don’t know who these people are, but they sure look good.

 

 

event lady
She’s an event planner.

 

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Artist John Kowalczyk here, about to officiate his second wedding.

 

 

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He told me he did a lot of googling, cutting and pasting to figure out what he needed to say. “The first wedding I did, there was no God talk at all.” This time he has to recite an entire list each time the divine gets brought up in the ceremony. “In the presence of friends, family, God, Gods, Goddesses, Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and All that is Holy… or something like that.”

 

 

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Art intern for Niki Johnson, smiling her way down the corridor.
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At the wine tasting the following flavors are found and named: peach butter blossom, honey suckle, pound cake, sour apple, crisp autumn air, under the park bench.
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I meet Katrina.
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She wants a poem, “About life, about mystery.”
about life, about mystery
Yes, I know I misspelled “after taste” and  “connoisseur.”

 

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Lastly, Sean from indianapolis (who loves golf) will only let me take his picture if he can take mine at the same time.

 

 

 

A Psychometric Questionairre

Yeah, humans are social creatures

you know, we see faces

inside clouds, fungus and tea stains.

Children conduct full-length conversations

with “pet” rocks and plush dinosaurs,

then as adults, they still try to assign meaning

to their frighteningly mysterious days

through science, philosophy, religion,

art, astrology or psychology.

Pfister barista Desiree

longs to crack the code

of her workmates

through Myers-Briggs,

which according to Wikipedia is,

“A psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions.”

She keeps the Myers-Briggs test page

as a favorite on one of the café’s

complementary iPads.

If a staff member lingers a moment

for conversation,

Desiree will ask them to take the test.

desiree
Desiree and her list of 39 people and their types.

 

When she handed me the ipad,

I had one question for her:

“Are you 23, Desiree?”

Desiree paused,

“Yes… how did you know?”

It was the year I was 23,

when everyone my age

(who I knew)

seemed to be into that test.

My result remains:

“ENFP” a.k.a.,

“Emotional Intuitive Feeling Perceiving”

myers-briggs
Found on ritholtz.com

 

so I’m just like Oscar Wilde.

Mister Wilde would fit in at the Pfister,

since according to Desiree’s list

of all the 16 existing Myers-Briggs types,

one quarter of the staff shares this type.

Screen shot 2015-02-28 at 11.29.54 PM
http://www.truity.com/personality-type/enfp

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“This is not at all a statistically sound survey,”

according to my best friend Jessie,

the professional statistician who made this chart.

But-but-but—

Desiree discovered

that all five of the tested baristas

are Introverts.

One of the baristas, Toni is shocked,

“But we have to deal with a lot of people!”

True, but that wide marble counter

and plexiglass divider

protects a barista’s

tender auric fields.

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Desiree, behind plexiglass.

Two of the tested bellhops are ENTJ’s,

the type known as “the Commander,”

and all of the bellhops are Judging types,

that must be an asset for anyone who has to weigh,

organize, heft and swiftly deliver luggage for guests,

while maintaining safety for the contents within.bellcart

All the security guards on Desiree’s list are judging types,

maybe that is why they were paired up

to share a desk with the bellhops.

Her list also shows

there is no unifying factor

between five of the Pfister’s servers,

indeed,

introverts and extroverts,

sensing and intuitive,

feeling and thinking,

judging and perceiving persons

are all likely to take your order;

while those with management positions at the Pfister,

tend to be sensing rather than intuitive people.

On the official Myers-Briggs site,

they say people who are the sensing type think:

 

  • I remember events as snapshots of what actually happened
  • I solve problems by working through facts until I understand the problem.
  • I am pragmatic and look to the “bottom line.”

That sounds like a manager’s mind, all right!

 

But one in four of the staff are “champions”

with intuitive tendencies rather than perceiving.

For them, it is more common to think this way:

 

  • I remember events by what I read “between the lines” about their meaning.
  • I like to see the big picture, then to find out the facts.
  • I trust impressions, symbols, and metaphors more than what I actually experienced

 

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This is exactly the sort of brain that is critical in preserving romance,

by carrying forward the gilded service

that matches the gilded stairs,

that matches the truth:

there is no place in this hotel that is ugly

or even just plain,

there is more for the eyes to see here

than they could ever retain.

You could never figure it all out,

just as Desiree will never

figure her workmates out

entirely.

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Sam, a frequent cafe customer also took the test, becoming the only non-staff member on Desiree’s list.

 

When you look at some modern art it can stump you.

Barbara has been giving tours for the Milwaukee Art Museum over a half century.

“When I first came to the museum, there were eight employees.”

This January I started my fifty-second year.

I retired when I was 50,

but I’m still going in,

teaching and working

‘cause I don’t want to sit at home.

I train the docents

and they tour about 80.000 people a year.”

She’s taken 75 trips to Europe,

“I counted it all up when I retired.

England was the first country I went to.”

Last year she took her docents to Belgium and Holland.

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And she made her own dress.

 

Being an art museum docent is hard.

“People expect you to know everything.”

When you look at some modern art it can stump you.

“Ellsworth Kelly’s “Red, Yellow, Blue,”

that’s one people have a hard time with.

Red, Yellow, Blue II

But you have to understand,

it was hand done,

he mixed the colors, that yellow

is the yellow he wanted,

he copied it from nature,

like a bird he saw,

he didn’t just go out to Menards!

How can I make these people understand?

Their grandchildren can’t do it!

When Kelly was in the war

he asked to be in the camouflage department.

Once in a while I’ll be lucky

and a student will be in

Ellsworth Kelly camo.

I’ve met Ellsworth Kelly several times.

He’s a very kind person,

a little on the shy side.”

 

What are Barbara’s favorite areas of art to talk on?

“American History and Decorative Arts

furniture, silver, ceramics.

My favorite is probably seventeenth century colonial.”

 

“Over the years a lot of people have visited Milwaukee

and I’ve taken them around,

Madame Chiang Kai-shek.”

(I hadn’t heard of her, so I looked her up,

former first lady of China, 1948-1975)

23325_web_ThisDay-Madame-Chiang-Kai-Shek-AP

“David Hockney, I loved him.

“I loved this young man who is now a rock star, but when I met him he was just coming up, um, I can’t think of his name. It’ll come. He works on China, Africa and America… Kehinde Wiley!

Gilbert and George when they came from England,

I met Andy Worhol. He never talked. My brother had a friend who knew him quite well.

Mark Rothko,

Tony Randall of the Odd Couple,

he knew everything,

he was the smartest man I ever met.

I let him do all the talking and I did the anecdotes.”

Barbara has never watched Star Trek,

but she gave Dr. Spock a tour.

“He gave me a Dr. Spock ear,

I didn’t know what it was or what I was supposed to do with it.

Ginger Rodgers,

Ray Milland, he never took his hat off because he didn’t have his toupee on,

Vincent Price,

Noguchi,

Sofa and Ottoman
Noguchi!

di Suvero,

Screen shot 2015-02-24 at 11.38.44 AM
This is what googling di Suvero’s “The Calling” looks like.

 

George Shearing, he’s blind and I got a call from him asking to take him around.

A grandmother had the same thing, I took her around.

Gordon Parks,

and when the Beatles came to Milwaukee the first time,

I held the door to the war memorial open for them.”

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“Excellent Broth! I’m going to have it every time I come.

I’ve been begging for broth here.

I like soup very much but,

I don’t like heavy duty,

I like to have broth.

It kinda curbs your appetite,

settles your stomach,

it’s good for your bones,

and I just love hot broth.

Right here at the café counter I met Shaquille O’Neill.

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Right there!

He wasn’t feeling well.

I didn’t know who he was.”

Shaq’s manager worked on a crossword puzzle with Barbara,

and explained who Mr. O’Neill was.

Barbara gave Shaq a ticket to the art museum,

and he went.

 

A Mom Letter and a Dad Letter

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I was taking a picture of the roses in the lobby when Val, the bartender summoned me over to see something. I took a stool at the bar and waited for a moment as Val rustled around in her bag, elbow deep.  At last she exclaimed “Ah!” and pulled out an envelope to show me. It was sent from a woman named Coco who came here for a birthday drink the other day, along with her baby. Coco’s friend and her friend’s baby joined her for the celebration.

coco

I took the contents out of the envelope and saw a most charming picture. Val got to know the two ladies and their babies quite well over a period of three hours, and asked, “Would you write this woman a letter back for me?”

coco poem

So I wrote Coco a poem on one of Valerie’s guest checks and sent it to the return address on the envelope.

 

Soon after Coco emailed me that she wrote a blog about getting a letter from the Pfister in the mail.  So,

IjustwroteheranemailthatIwrotethisblogaboutheremailaboutherblogaboutgettingaletterinthemailbecause,

shesentaletterinthemailaboutapleasantafternoonofpolitevalets,chattingandbabies!

Phew!!

 

Another day, another letter:

lydia's daddy

A father comes to me in need of his daughter’s forgiveness. In the city of Madison where he and his family reside, there is a highly competitive theater program for kids. His daughter, Lydia tried out for a production of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,” in hopes of being cast as one of the dwarves. Lydia, who is in fourth grade and has never had an opportunity like this before, was a nervous mess the morning of her audition. Sympathetic to her distraught, Lydia’s dad gave her a pearl of encouragement, “Don’t worry, everything will turn out just fine!”

 

The two of them stayed up late, awaiting the phone call to let them know if Lydia would be expected to come back in for call-backs the following day. It was so late by the time the phone finally rang, Lydia was already put to bed. She was wide awake when her father came in and told her the answer was no. Lydia sobbed, dampening her pillow. Her dad assured her that she was younger than the rest of the kids who had tried out, and that it was likely that she would be cast in the coming years, then said goodnight.

 

The next morning, as Lydia glumly ate her cereal she told her father, “You lied. You said everything would be fine, but everything is not fine.”

 

The statement unsettled him, and the combination of his daughter’s broken heart and distrust in his word tarnished his entire day. So much so that when his job brought him to the Pfister hotel and he met me, he asked for a poem of encouragement (not from him or his perspective!) to give his child.  lydia

This is Howard. I just met him in the kitchen.

Anja: How long have you worked in room service?

 

Howard: Nine months.

 

Anja: What does that all entail?

 

Howard: Well… amenities, hospital doing orders, and uh, being very uh… kind and gentle with guests hospitality wise. You make them feel wanted, and if they want anything, you do it with care and grace! (Howard giggles a high-pitched, masculine giggle.)

 

Anja: How does this job make you feel?

 

Howard: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………. happy to even like, tadalafil just grateful that I even have a job, like…

 

Anja: What was before this?

 

Howard: What was before this? I worked at Menards. (giggles)

 

Anja: This is a step up.

 

Howard: Yeah it is! I worked at Menards, that was my second longest job, which was three months! Heh heh. Yeah, I worked at Menards as a cashier… the only male cashier.

 

Anja: Oh wow!

 

Howard: And there were about fifteen cashiers there.

 

Anja: Geez.

 

Our conversation is interrupted when we have to both scrunch against the wall in order to let a cart of cupcakes through the corridor. The cart looks to be about six feet tall, and features tray after tray of what I am informed to be flourless chocolate cupcakes.

 

Anja: What have you learned since your time here?

 

Howard: …

 

Anja: About LIFE!

 

Howard: To be on time, hee hee hee!  Because when I was a little bit younger, in 1919, I looooved to purposely procrastinate, because in my mind I knew I would get it done right before the deadline, and I never did. (Laughs.)

 

Anja: You have a very musical laugh.

 

Howard: Yeah? What does musical laugh mean?

 

Anja: I don’t know! You hit many different notes… (Anja and Howard both titter) …when you laugh!

 

Howard: I just joined an acting class last Thursday!

 

Anja: Nice!

 

Howard: For like community theater. First it was just going to be like monologues, but it turned into community theater because the school that did monologues cancelled because there weren’t enough people.

 

Anja: Are you going to be in a play now?

 

Howard: I, eh, um, this is my homework: I have to come up with a stage name and uh, ten accents. That’s a bit much isn’t it? I thought of Southern, Italian, uhhh Latin, like Mexican, Mexican like Chollo though, you know, like the hood,…. annnnd British? I don’t know, people have been giving me suggestions, but it’s only been like four or five so far.

 

Anja: Don’t forget you can do Wisconsin.

 

Howard: Right, right, right. I went to Florida one time, when I was in High School, and we went to go talk to these lovely ladies—hee hee hee, at South Beach, they were in the Ocean, you know, the water, and one lady was from New York, and you can clearly hear she’s from New York with the Bronx, you know, accent, so then they asked, “Where you from, Wisconsin?” And we were like, “WWWWHHHHAT? How did you know that?!” I guess we have accents! I did not know that.

 

Anja: So what makes for a good stage name?

 

Howard: Whoopi Goldberg? Heh heh heh!

 

Anja: What was the last thing you dressed up for Halloween?

 

Howard: I’ve never even participated in Halloween until last year.

 

Anja: Really?!

 

Howard: Yeah, and I’m 21.

 

(Howard and Anja emit peals of laughter.)

 

Anja: Was it not allowed in your house?

 

Howard: Yeah, exactly— or I just didn’t catch the vibe, like Valentine’s Day. So, I just, I just bought a Michael Myers mask and wore that to a Halloween party, an adult Halloween party, and they told me immediately to take it off because I was scaring people. Because when I walked in I didn’t say a word. These are like my friends, and I’m just standing there like Michael Myers would do. The guy whose house it was came up to me and said, “You don’t have to pretend anymore, you can just take it off. You’re kind of scaring my girlfriend.”

 

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Butter on a Plate & Hat Swapping in the Bathroom


The whole hotel is my beat so I’ve got to drift.

I’ve got to find the swirled butter on the plate.

Regard this spiraled stack of paper napkins. This miniscule, considered bit of hospitality intrigues me.

DSCN9562 DSCN9397I like to chase the shadows of bicyclists with my camera from a height of 23 stories.

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On weekends my ambulations deliver me to London.

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High tea preparations imbue the room in the rusky scent of cinnamon.DSCN9351

 

The other day as I got off the elevator, I discovered that Italy was getting reconstructed on the seventh floor.

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Is that Basilica di San Marco?

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Free gondala rides.

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What is up with that vat of plastic grapes?

DSCN9573Oh, I see.

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I tell these grape stompers, “You know, my great-grandma actually made wine that way.” They tell me, “A lot of people have been telling us that tonight!”

DSCN9583Can you guess how many olives are in this glass urn?  I thought it was 603.  Apparently not, since I haven’t gotten that phone call telling me I won the iPad.

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Of all the Italy I see here, I most enjoy the giant see-through paintings.

DSCN9553A crevice implores me to monkey around.

DSCN9558And really, this picture is much better with me added to the scene.

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Women in inflated chef uniforms and stick-on moustaches emphatically call “Bonjourno!” and “Mangia-mangia!”
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In the bathroom I run into a friend of mine and her business partner.  They run a florist company called “Flower and Bee.” They are arranging wedding bouquets.  The whole sink area smells like a realm of olfactory love and harp music.  It must be all the jasmine.

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I ask them who is getting married.

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It turns out I actually know the couple.  Sure enough, when I check out the lobby bar I recognize half the wedding party.  One of the groomsmen folds a paper napkin into his empty breast pocket.  And as long as it is dry, you won’t notice that his handkerchief is not silk.DSCN9675

I type a quick congratulatory poem for the couple.

DSCN8477The next day I get together with my friend Adam for a brainstorm session.  He tells me “Thanks for allowing me push this meeting back a few days.  I was really busy, I had to officiate a wedding yesterday.”

And yes, it turns out to be the same wedding.

Excuse me Adam, I have to use the bathroom.

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In the bathroom a lady admires my hat so much she asks to try it on.  I let her, and she likes what she sees so much, she asks me if she can buy it from me.  Before I’ve even had the chance to use the bathroom facilities, I’ve sold the hat off my head.  Additionally, she gives me her own crocheted hat.  It matches my outfit far better than the one I had before.  I soon find out this hat-loving woman is the aunt of yesterday’s bride.
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Goodbye purple hat, I will always remember the day I completed you.
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Peasant With Potomac Fever Ning-Nongs

I’m fifty-seven and one day old today.

I walk dogs.

Pitbulls.

Never mind all the bad PR that they’ve gotten

they only get nasty if you abuse them

or

if you train them to be killers, prostate

to fight in the ring against other dogs

my friend and I are working to eradicate it

from Wisconsin,

from the country,

from the world.

I publish a political blog

it’s called “Peasant With A Pitchfork,”

I like to think I fulfill the purpose

of comforting the afflicted

and afflicting the comfortable.

I don’t belong to a political party, viagra

but I’ll tell you there’s two kinds of Potomac fever,

there’s one that’s always been around

that’s akin to the yellow fever

that the white settlers would get

when they settled on or near the banks of the Potomac,

two or three centuries ago,

and then there’s the other kind of Potomac fever,

the kind you get from being around all those swells

and the very hoity-toity

rarified atmosphere of D.C.

The good elected representatives go there with the best of intentions

and after they’ve been there awhile

they wind up at these cocktail parties

and they get schmoozed

by all these big wigs

they wind up hobnobbing with

and a lot of money comes their way,

provided that they vote a certain way.

You’re going to tell me I have a good voice for radio,

everybody and their mama tells me that.

I did investigate the possibility some years ago,

but it sounds like it’s at least as hard to break into

as show business itself, and I thought eemmm

but if anyone was really serious about hiring me

I’d gladly come in and audition for that.

I’m a singer, I’m a baritone.

I wound up in a silly and pointless

but very terrible feud

with a few members of this Irish singing band.

Some of these people act like they are

the arbiters of what constitutes

true Irish music,

the way it should be sung or played,

and these are American born people!

Some of them aren’t even the least bit Irish,

but they would be very critical about the way

I’d sing some songs.

We started butting heads,

it really got to be quite contentious

so the founder of that group

(who’s also to this day a friend of mine)

talked to me about it in private and says,

“This feud you’ve got going with them

is tearing the group apart,

it’s tearing me apart!”

He was in tears when he was talking about this!

It was at that time when I thought,

well, it’s about time that I get out.

The next time we got together for a session,

I said, “I’m leaving the group

just so I can start my own group.”

That was it, I didn’t say anything about the problems

I was having with some of these

these, uh,

self-jumped up little ning-nongs,

so to speak.

I kept it positive,

I kept it classy,

after I made my announcement

everybody,

(except the ones who I was feuding with)

walked up to me,

patted me on the shoulder,

shook my hand.

My friend joined that group

she sang for one session

now keep in mind:

she is a native Irish woman,

this is the music of her native country.

These same horrible people who lit into me

for the way I was singing the songs,

lit into her too.

Aren’t you glad you don’t have a tooth with that nerve?

I’m not all that big

on rules and regulations,

but I’ve got one standing rule

and I insist everyone adhere to it—

“no one is bigger than the culture or the music that emanates from it.”

If anyone starts behaving like that

I’ll just tell them,

‘Don’t let the door hit you in the brains on the way out.”

I’m not putting up with that nonsense in my group