“Not that kind of guy”



I don’t normally do this.


Any other

Thursday afternoon

this time of year

I’m in the office

until the sky is dark

walking to my car.



The glass of champagne

-well it was included.

Part of a gift certificate

my wife bought for me.

Birthday present.


I just came up from downstairs,

they have a massage parlor.


It’s not my kind of thing

but I had to use it

or her feelings would be hurt

and we would have wasted

all that money.



She’s always telling me

I should take some time away,

relax more.

Go on a trip.

I suppose we could go somewhere

for a week or two. Somewhere nice.


“Let the employees take care of it

-that’s why you hired them!”

she likes to say.


My wife comes downtown here

to get these massages

and they do things to her hair,

treatments on her skin.


-You ever had one of those facials?

I can’t believe how smooth my face feels,

like a bare ass baby.

Reminds me of our firstborn.

‘Course she’s all grown up now.



Those massages,

I’ve never had one before, always thought

that stuff isn’t for me.

I’m not that kind of guy.

You know what I mean, I…


I didn’t even catch your name, I apologize,

here I am

talking your ear off

like a space cadet.

If you tried one of those massages downstairs,

you’d know what I mean,

they have showers with something like…

4 or 5 jets of water

spraying all over your body.

All at once!

Who thinks of that?


Look at this. Unbelievable.

A glass of champagne.

A glass of champagne in the

middle of the afternoon?

The guys at the shop

would never believe it.

I’m glad they include it

with the massage

because I never would have

sat down here

and ordered one.

Now I understand it-

why she comes here all the time.


Maybe we should take a trip soon,

somewhere warm.

Somewhere with a beach, maybe on an island.

One where you can ride around on

those little motor scooters.



Pardon me, Bartender?

May I have another?



Ed Makowski is a poet/writer/artist/radio personality/gatherer of stories and lives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. While working as Eddie Kilowatt…